What to say when someone you knows has suffered a miscarriage...?

Recently someone decided that it would be fun to poke mockery (on Yahoo Answers) of the death of our son, Zachary that we tragically lost on Aug. 2, 2006 (second trimester loss), to see the post go here http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...





I thought it would be important to post what to say to someone who has endured the pain of a miscarriage..





Things you should say


Do call her and tell her you are sorry for her loss.


Do send her a card or flowers to show you care


Do let her talk as much as she needs to or wants to.


Do give her a hug to let her know you care.


Do offer to help with housework, babysitting or other things that she may not feel up to doing.


Do acknowledge her baby.


It is okay to say I don’t know what to say or I don’t know how to help.


Do call and check up on her. The pain does not go away in a couple days.





So with that posted what else do you think would be appropiate?





Mel

What to say when someone you knows has suffered a miscarriage...?
I think what you have listed pretty much sums it up. I lost a baby this past Easter. When my family was gathered together observing Easter, I was in the emergency room finding out that my baby had passed and blaming myself for things like not drinking enough water or not resting enough. The fact of the matter is: this happens spontaneously in most cases. The things you listed that people said to me helped. What didn't help were things like: "You can try again" "There was probably something wrong with it"and "nature took care of it" Thankfully, everyone was very supportive to me when I was so deeply saddened. Time heals. The fact of the matter is..there is always someone out there who will say things to get attention from others...They have no consequences to their actions and would never say what they say in here to anyone's face because they would be picking their teeth up off the floor. Keep your chin up sister. I'm believethat Kharma will catch up to people who are out to hurt others. Cry if you need to. You will get over this. God Bless!
Reply:Some one close to me had one recently an i found to just be there for them as much as you can is best an let them know your there 24hr a day......dont be all over them lika rash
Reply:all of the above


sending her a card or flowers is maybe not appropiate, maybe a small bouquet you can take to her
Reply:First of all I would like to tell you I am sorry for your loss. And I am even more sorry that people made fun of it. I tried to look at the link but it said the server was busy. Sometimes people are so inconsiderate. Recently my best friend lost her baby that her and her husband had been trying for so long to get pregnant and were so happy when they found out she was! I didn't know what to say to her at first. I felt so bad when she came to my house and saw my 2 year old and my 6 month old. I thought- how could God let someone who desperately wants to be a mother lose her baby?? And then women abort pregnancies all the time. It's not right! I just hugged my friend and told her I was so sorry and I was here to talk to. I also said that it was the body's way of rejecting it because something probably wasn't right. I told her it wasn't her fault and it was nothing she did or didn't do, it just wasn't meant to be. They are currently trying again for a baby, and I so hope they get one... they will make great parents.


One really can't say "I know how you feel" unless they have been through it themself. Once again I express my sympathy to you and yours and don't give up. When it is meant to be it will happen. Good luck to you! :)
Reply:I had two miscarriages before I had my three beautiful baby boys. I loved the comment I heard, "It just wasn't meant to be. Had it been born, it would have been deformed." I loved these saying and it helped me to go on....Kitty
Reply:aw sweetie am so sorry about your loss it must have been auful! well just to let you know if you need to chat to someone just drop me an email hunni xxxx gd luck in the future x
Reply:I didn't see the origional post, but being pregnant with my first child right now, I can't begin to imagine how hard it was to lose your baby or how hurt and angered you were by the assholes who obviously didn't care. In times like that, I always say at least now you know who your real friends are.
Reply:You cant see the post!!!
Reply:i cant believe anyone would be such a low life and poke fun at other peoples tradegies. you have proved yourself the better person by handling the situation perfectly and with dignity. great information to give to people. wishing you all the best for the future.x
Reply:Just say that you're very sorry. That's enough. What you said to do is good, too.
Reply:feel sad and try to help them

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